“But that’s no fair” my kids said in unison. It was one of those days when they were bickering about something and I took their electronic privileges away. I said “Life is not fair, little baby penguins get eaten by killer whales”. My daughter said “What does that mean anyway?” So I proceeded to tell them about predator and prey. It is true that life is not fair. But in the wild it is Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the fittest. Even in our day to day lives, if you are not better than someone else, you don’t make the team or you don’t get the promotion. Now I agree that in some instances, people who actually deserve to make the team or get a raise don’t. But for the most part, survival of the fittest holds. You know the joke where they say you don’t have to run very fast to get away from a bear, you just have to be faster than the other guy. Years ago, I was in an organization like the ROTC. We were all competing to go to paratrooping camp. Unfortunately, there were 4 slots and I was the fifth. Guess what, I could not go to the camp. I felt bad, but that was how it all went. I tell our kids to develop a thick skin and not to be oversensitive. I also tell them that when someone criticizes you or gives you negative feedback, look at who it is. Is it someone that cares about them like a parent or a teacher or a mentor? In that case, take the criticism seriously. But if it is someone that does not care about them, a stranger or a student in school forget it and move on. Life is too short to dwell over little things. Also in your professional life, your job etc, there are going to be bad reviews, or layoffs. It may be personal or it may be business related. You have to suck it up and move on. The first time I got laid off from a job was at the end of January 1995. At about the same time, my father passed away. I was reeling from one shock and got a second one. But my employers did not feel sorry for me. In fact my supervisor called to convey his condolences, but then said “can you please help me with something before you leave, I am swamped.” I went in to work, helped my supervisor, did my exit interview and caught a plane in the evening to be with my family. Do you think my employer was unfair?

Children get trophies for participation. They don’t keep score in games. Every team makes the playoffs. Are we sheltering our kids to become gutless, spineless adults who expect someone else to fight for them? I always wonder if we are preparing our younger generation for the real world where there is fierce competition, there are no points for second place and life is not fair.